Lover Of The Light

I know I tried

I was not stable

And flawed by pride

I miss my sanguine eyes

So hold my hands up - breathe in and breathe out

So love the one you hold

And I'll be your goal

To have and to hold

A lover of the lights

And in the middle of the night

I may watch you go

There'll be no value in the strength

Of walls that I have grown

There'll be no comfort in the shade

Of the shadows thrown

You may not trust the promises

Of the change I'll show

But I'd be yours if you'd be mine.

.

I worry. 

Egg

I found robin egg shells in the yard today. One has a tiny peck hole on it. 

angels and demons

At some point in your life, you will meet someone who you will never be able to escape. They will always be part of you. A part of your past, your dreams at night, conversation and random thoughts throughout life. They may remain in your life or exit it for whatever reason. Regardless, that person will always be the reason. 

Accidental Destiny

"I don't know if we have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze, 
but I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happenin' at the same time."

I'm sitting here watching this movie and thinking about my past. Thinking of all the people I've met, stupid decisions made, journeys I've had, times I regret and things I wish I could change. In the past, I really did things that showed the demons inside me. I've made many decisions in my adult life that were selfish, vindictive, hurtful and to be honest, crazy. I am deeply shamed and sorry for these times in my life. More than anyone could comprehend. 

I'm thinking about all the lies told to me and blindness that I had towards peoples intentions. Thinking of all the hurt and anger I felt because someone didn't love themselves enough, let alone me. My story is playing so different now without those people. Yes, I do miss them, but I never forget how they hurt me. *Ripped me off like a band-aid*  and tossed me of their lives. I can't lie, I miss them. I worry. I'm human. 

A person cannot make another person change. Some people are determined to get out of their small town, while others get stagnant and never see more. Some people will talk, some people will watch, others will do. Some will float around in the wind. Others will make their own destiny. 

I want more for my life than this. I know there is more. I know there's tons more people to meet. There's opportunity. There will be more hurt to be felt and failure to be shameful of. But it's a new beginning. A rebirth. There's redemption in seeing a stranger in every face. There's hope that while in the face of my past, it may try to destroy me, but I have better plans. I'm happy. This I will stay. I'm making my own destiny.